was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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