he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
