Do vagina's smell?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
