He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
