So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
