afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
