In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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