checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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