The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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