I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We got so high we made milksteak
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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