sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
