I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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