I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
