you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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