Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
