i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
