Sacagawea was the original milf.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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