just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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