If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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