they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
