when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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