need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize