The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
