so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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