5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
