When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
