I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
