I feel like abortions should bother me more
I could make wine with my vomit
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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