she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
