whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
