id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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