Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
