i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
