normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
