no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
