She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
