Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
