I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
