I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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