I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
