Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
