i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
