R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
