Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
