Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
