she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
