belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize