Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
