The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
