Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
