I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
