I hate your face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
