Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ketchup is God's man juice
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
