The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize