I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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