I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
