I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize