I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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