tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
