Too much gin, very little bucket
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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