I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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