How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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