so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
