Cold hands, warm shart.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
