is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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