I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
