I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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