"it" just moved
just tell him i said nine months
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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