Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
