grandma shit on top of the toilet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
