After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
