Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize