I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize